In an era of mounting climate catastrophe, the COP summits standare as monuments to ineffectuality and theatrical posturing. Like a troupe performing the same tired play, delegates gather annually to recite well-worn lines while fossil fuel executives lurk in the wings, pulling strings. From the UAE's oil baron presidency to Azerbaijan's divine praise of natural gas, these summits have devolved into fossil fuel trade fairs masquerading as climate action, achieving a success rate that would embarrass even the most mediocre of endeavors.